When we decided that I would become a stay-at-home-mom and eventually a homeschooling parent I had left behind a lifetime of believing my self-worth came from a job and having income. It also depended on how hard I could work in a day and that rest could only come from having pushed myself to the limit. Whether it be through work, exercise, traveling etc.

Much of this took a toll on my health and by leaving that lifestyle behind my health began to improve and my entire identity shifted.

The realization that this role as mom was not one that came from strength but from grace. I could not push myself to the limits anymore by working or “doing,” that would leave me burnt out. I had to embrace this role of nurturing wife and mother who was safe and available for my husband and children to come to.

Here are my tips for how to lean into being a graceful leader:

• Live in the present moment

  • Letting go of expectations and living in the present moment can be challenging. We cannot be fully present if we don’t submit to it in the first place. That means not trying to take control of the situation but by coming into a situation with curiosity. When I am in the moment, I feel free and happy to just be. When I feel the need to take control and accomplish a task with my own might, I’ve lost the ability to be the calm, present, graceful mother I want to be. And that my children will resonate with.

• Lean into feminine energy

  • I like to see this as feeling like I can truly be myself. I can show affection, have my own feelings and express them politely to others, allow myself adequate rest, create beauty and nurture my home, plants, and family. Dressing in clothing that is comfortable but also makes me feel good and doing my hair to feel beautiful even on a regular day.

• Slow down

  • When our days are busy and I’m in a state of hustle too long my children start to follow suite. They’re bored more easily, easily angered, fight more often. By slowing down my ability to sports cast through a sibling conflict comes more naturally, meals are on time and hanger doesn’t rear its ugly head. I’m able to stay organized which leads to much deeper play for the kids and better focus for me. Slowing down also leads to more time for connection.

• Connect

  • Making time for connection to your family individually will do wonders for your mental health and the mental health of your household. When I have found the space to connect with my husband or children through listening to their stories, finding common interests, or joining in their play our home feels more harmonious and less of a struggle.

• Embrace hobbies and share them with your family

  • Sewing clothes for your children, cultivate a garden, begin a writing practice, create art, cook a delicious meal, movement. Whatever fills you up will bring joy to you and will also give your family an example of what it means to be able to enjoy life.

• Avoid taking in too much negativity

  • When we watch too much negative or divisive media it will impact how we react to the world around us. As a gentle leader we cannot be in joyful state while thinking about something awful going on in the world or focusing on what fear-based idea of the day is being spread. Our family takes in our energy and by allowing the constant infiltration of the collective fear-based ideas into our homes we will spread that energy to our family.

Some small ways to get into a peaceful state of mind:

• Listen to your breathing and take slow deep breaths. Allow the tension in your body to melt away.

• Meditate on a mantra that gives you calm, “I always have enough time to accomplish my daily goals/chores etc.”, “I am safe in my body”, “My children are incredible gifts from God”.

• Relive a joyful or peaceful memory. For example: hearing the waves crashing on the shore of a beach you visited, seeing your newborn baby for the first time, remembering the love of your life proposing to you.

• Find 5 things to be grateful for in the moment. Some examples could be: feeling safe in my own home, having electricity, accessibility to healthy food, getting to watch my favorite TV show before bed tonight.

When I allow myself to be a graceful parent. Meaning I step into my feminine role of gentle, loving leader. When I am calm, patient, focused on beauty and tuning into the energy in our home I feel a deep sense of joy that can only come from within.

Our world will tell us we need to do all the things and keep up appearances, but the true power lies in the simplicity of truly being in our own home daily. Present, alert, focused, calm and above all connected.