“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” ~Marcus Aurelius

As a homeschooling parent I find my mind can wander into dangerous territory. “My life is boring”, “I just stay at home”, “What sort of contribution am I really making?”. Life can feel stagnant (especially with littles still toddling around) and when that happens it’s easy to fall into old habits and lose focus. I started out the school year with a beautiful vision of sitting at the table daily with my kids happily learning together and working through challenges. Then my youngest dropped her first nap and any idea of getting any learning in with her around became non-existent. I have adjusted since then, but I still have days where I question where my focus is. I don’t think anybody is perfect but here are some tips that have worked for me on this journey and has helped me to create a life I love (most of the time) and how I get out of that negative mindset when it does creep in.

Re-focus the vision

What is my ultimate goal here? I sometimes get caught up in doing things like everybody else and I have to remind myself that we are our own family with our own goals and dreams. It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap (esp. with social media) and use it as an excuse to get down on ourselves.

If you don’t have a vision start small. What would an ideal day look like to you? Write down 3 things that are actually achievable in your day and start there. Start a read-aloud time with your children. Take morning walks after breakfast as a family and explore your neighborhood. Invite your children to make lunch all together. You’d be surprised that by creating a life you love you’ll inspire your children to do the same (and maybe some others along the way).

Letting go of guilt, wounds, past mistakes and toxic people

Easier said than done, but I would have given up on this lifestyle a long time ago if I didn’t let go of stuff that was no longer serving me. I believe this is a big part of the “deschooling” process. Yes, letting go of a “schoolish” mindset is important but once you start to remove the layers you can really work through some seriously limiting beliefs which may be scary but may also inspire you to keep going. You’ll never know how much you are capable of until you really dig in and allow yourself to evolve.

As far as toxic people go. If you can’t let them completely go (because they’re a close family member) then keep them at a safe distance in a respectful way.

Allowing goodness to flow and being present

When I am stuck and feeling the weight of negativity hanging over me a great activity that changed my life is meditation. On days I have no time for it I meditate right where I am. My children are fighting over the iPad? I take a breath. “Thank you God for the gift of my children/ our home/finances to afford things we can enjoy and open up the world to us”.

Or I find an activity that gets me into that flow state (exercise, painting, cooking, cleaning, writing, listening to an audiobook). The more I allow goodness to flow even in the hard moments the more I see that goodness is abounding and I just have to tap into it.

Finding Joy

This is one, if you’re like any other human these days, is not easy. For many growing up this was not modeled or encouraged. Thankfully we’re re-writing that narrative and giving our children back that freedom but it also starts with us.

What brings you joy? I found writing was healing, which opened me up to letting go of blocks that impeded my ability to feel joy. I know it sounds deep, but it was very revealing to me. I made it a habit and then began to find I could not only work through my fear, but I could create too and being creative is the ultimate connection to joy!

What lights you up? What steps are you taking to create a life that you love and your children love too?