Unschooling

How We Homeschool Without Coercion and What To Do Instead

If you’re new to homeschool or have been at this for a few years now and believe the only way to get your child/children to learn important information is through coercion and bribing I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to!

After years of reading, learning and growing in my own peaceful parenting journey, I have used these skills to help us have a fun, engaging, and fairly peaceful homeschool.

I have tried all of the things to get my oldest to learn new material, and I finally succumbed to the idea of letting her lead her days and being more of a guide; that has made all the difference.

We all want some level of autonomy over our lives. What an amazing gift to give to your own child—the ability to focus on their own goals, interests, and strengths?

What non-coercive homeschool looks like for us:

Our thoughtful and determined 8-year-old is taking an online reading class because she has a goal to read a chapter book by herself. She enjoys writing in her journal about her feelings or new things going on in her life as well as writing to her pen pals. She’s shown a new interest in word games and understanding time and money. She will gladly work on these things because she sees the need and has a genuine interest in learning these skills. She has also shown a strong interest in sports which has bonded her and dad through playing and discussing.

Our loving and focused 5-year-old is on his own journey. He has discovered it’s faster to count his toys by grouping them, which has led to several discussions about multiplication, uncovering his own desire for math skills. He finds comfort not only in playing outside and being an active boy but also in creating with recyclables and objects around the house. He isn’t as into drawing and crafting, but when given the freedom to use these materials at his will, he is inspired to create and tell stories. He, like many boys his age, had not shown interest in writing until recently. When he discovered he couldn’t write the letter “s” without help, he proceeded to write it over and over until he was able to do it on his own.

Last but certainly not least, our 2-year-old’s curious toddler spirit is always engaged in some sort of learning. This age is very special in that she is happy to be involved in any activity the older children are doing. She is naturally absorbing language, behavior, counting, singing, and writing by listening to and observing her older siblings. She has shown a big interest in letters lately, and when she asks, we gladly tell her the name of the letter and the sound it makes.

All three of my children love to be in nature and have no issue with visiting a museum, nature center or going for a walk in nature. Science and history I’ve learned naturally come with where the child is developmentally, time and experience. They naturally want to understand our world, where humanity has been and where they fit into the picture.

Here are my tips for creating a non-coercive homeschool:

 

First and foremost gain trust with your child through Connection.

Find ways to connect with your child. The trust built will naturally lead to your child wanting to listen to you or learn with you. Connection can also get you in tune with what they’re interested in! When you show interest in them, they will naturally share with you what they want to learn more about.

Learn who your child is through observation.

Observe your child in her element. What does she like to do when she isn’t being directed? If she enjoys journaling, drawing, painting, or pretending, then use those as a gauge in how you introduce academics. For example, if your child enjoys writing but doesn’t like to do copy work, then write notes back and forth, create a map together and label it, or find a friend or cousin to be a pen pal.

Now something we all claim we aren’t good at: creativity.

Get creative and find what works. Find resources online: Instagram, Pinterest, Teachers Pay Teachers, crafts, online games, online classes, board games, curriculum, etc.

Another tried and true method is to just invite them to do what you’re doing.

My oldest daughter hadn’t shown interest in helping in the kitchen since she was a toddler. She received a kid-friendly cookbook for her birthday, and one day we made a recipe from it. Ever since, she has been eager to assist in the kitchen whenever I offer.

Sometimes I suggest things, and my kids really get into the activity, but there are times when they just don’t. I have gotten better over the years at figuring out when they’re excited to try a new activity, read a new book, or listen to some poetry. It’s about getting to know your child, connecting with them, and just finding ways to make your days feel vibrant and engaging. Let me know if these tips help and what else works for you in your home!